Sunshine Filled Lemon Poppyseed Cupcakes!
My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease about 8 years ago now and was one of the biggest reasons I moved back to Wisconsin from my dreamy life in Southern California.
♥
This last January – very suddenly – we almost lost her. It was truly one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. I think what made it even harder is that I am pregnant with my first baby girl. And maybe in my own fairy tale mind, I’ve always dreamed of sharing this moment intimately with my mom. I just didn’t know that I would need to share my baby bump with her to give her motivation to live.
♥
Long story short, my mom was transferred to Froedtert Hospital in Milwaukee-they discovered the problem was that she had been retaining carbon dioxide, so her brain was starting to shut down. The doctors made the decision to hook her up to life support and a feeding tube to keep her going. I drove back and forth from Appleton to Milwaukee to visit and talk to her, just to be there for her.
My mom and me on my wedding day ♥
photo credit to: Amanda Red Wedding Photographer
There is absolutely nothing harder than seeing your own mom hooked up to a feeding tube. Or seeing her comatose, with her eyes open. I still cannot get the times out of my head when they’d stick the feeding tube down her throat and she’d fight it so hard that tears would flood her face. She couldn’t tell me what she was thinking, and even though her eyes were open, I knew she wasn’t totally present with me.
There were times at the Froedtert ICU when I’d succumb to weakness, lay my head on her chest amidst all the IVs and the needles. My tears would flood her shoulder, I tried so hard not to get to this point. She needed me to be strong for her. So even though I was human, and I’d flood her shoulder with my tears, I’d explain to her that this wasn’t going to be forever. That this situation was temporary and that all these tubes she was hooked up to were a way to help her recover from all she had been through.
I stepped away from our hug to show her my baby bump and told her that she had a granddaughter to meet soon. I begged her to use my daughter as one of her big motivations to fight her way to recovery. Even though my mom couldn’t respond through all the tubes, I saw tears begin to drip down my mom’s face, and her lips trembled in a circle around the tubes. She had heard my pep talk. I ran back to my mom and held her again. This was a moment in my life I will never forget. A moment that may have influenced my mom’s decision to stay or to leave.
It was this crazy life altering moment when I realized that between being a future mother myself, and caring for my mother, I was learning how to pull through and be strong for someone else, even if I felt completely fatigued and drained. Even though I wasn’t full on into the diaper changing, baby screaming, toddler tantrum mode yet… I was experiencing a taste of what I needed to be for this little person inside of me, through comforting my mom. Crazy how things come full circle.
My mom would never wish to be on a feeding tube or plugged into any machines to keep her going. When the Froedtert staff asked us all to return to the hospital as a family, we knew things were getting serious. I walked into the room to greet my mother on a cloudy morning. The ICU room was very quiet. The clouds were rolling outside the window. It had just snowed. I looked at my mom and it appeared she was leaving us. Her eyes had rolled back into her head. She was unresponsive to anything that I said to her. Her vitals were dropping.
The staff came in later in the afternoon to discuss unplugging her from the machines. When my dad, my brother and I made the difficult decision to take her off life support, we didn’t know what was going to happen so we circled around her and prayed and cried and prayed again ♥. We gave my mom the choice to leave if that is what she needed to do. It was the hardest release I have ever made. Everything in the room was so quiet and we all prepared to say goodbye.
But it wasn’t time to say goodbye yet.
Miraculously, after the tubes were removed, my mom immediately sat up and started talking! The first thing she said to all of us is, “I just want you all to know how much I love you.”
My mom is back. She made the decision to stay. And she gets to meet my daughter in a few months. I have a lot to be thankful for. We still have some things to figure out, Parkinson’s is a difficult disease and I hate it more than ever now!!! It can affect many people through many different random symptoms. And I still believe the issue with her breathing has something to do with it.
It’s officially spring now, and we have a lot to look forward to. A June baby is coming! The summer, the SUNSHINE!
So……..I am dedicating this recipe to all who have had some dark moments this past winter, and desperately need some sunshine! Baking these brightened MY world!!!!! (and made baby dance in my belly when I ate them!)
Lemon Poppyseed SUNSHINE cupcakes!
I tell people that I pureed the sunshine and poured it into the center of each cupcake! The pureed sunshine filling and the lemon buttercream frosting are my favorite parts to eat!
Ingredients for a warm sunshine filled tummy:
(like a Care Bear?)
2 2/3 Cups Flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
dash salt
3/4 cup softened butter
1 1/3 cups fine baking sugar
4 eggs
2 tablespoons lemon zest
4 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cup chobani greek yogurt
2 tsp lemon extract
1-2 tablespoons poppyseeds (or more if you like poppyseeds!)
Instructions: Preheat oven to 325. Line cupcake pan with 24 wrappers. In a stand mixer, cream butter until creamy & fluffy. Gradually beat in sugar for even more fluffiness! On a lower speed, beat in eggs. In a separate bowl, whisk dry ingredients: flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. In a liquid measuring cup, measure out the greek yogurt and set aside. In a small bowl, combine lemon juice, lemon zest and lemon extract. Gradually begin to alternately add dry ingredients, yogurt, and liquid lemon to the creamed mixture in the stand mixture until all is blended. Once batter is evenly blended, fold poppyseeds in with a spatula. Using a scoop, fill cupcake liners about 3/4 full and bake for 22-24 minutes. (It is ok to fill the cupcake liners up pretty full! They will puff up very nicely if you are generous with the batter).
Optional: While baking, whisk sugar and lemon juice in a small bowl on the side (6 tablespoons sugar, 6 tablespoons lemon juice). When the cupcakes come out of the oven, use a small spoon to pour the lemon juice/sugar over the top of each cupcake to saturate with lemon flavor!
Ingredients for “pureed sunshine” filling:
1 box instant lemon pudding
2 cups cold milk
Follow the instructions on the box!
To fill cupcakes: Wait for cupcakes to cool. Core out the center of each cupcake with a spoon or a cupcake corer. Set the “cores” of the cupcakes to the side. Fill each cupcake with “pureed sunshine” filling. Put the “cores” back on top of the filling of each cupcake for a wonderful (and delicious) surprise!
Ingredients for Marshmallow Cloud Lemon Buttercream Frosting:
(the stuff dreams are made of!)
13-14 oz Marshmallow Fluff or Cream
1 lb softened butter
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2-3 teaspoons lemon extract
Dash salt
8-10 cups powdered sugar (depending on how thick or creamy you want your frosting clouds. Use less for creamy frosting or more for thicker swirls)
Instructions: Use a spatula to scrape the fluff and the butter out into your stand mixer. Mix well until fluffy and well blended. Gradually add a pinch of salt, vanilla extract, and lemon extract. Now add your powdered sugar, slowly until the frosting reaches desired consistency. The more powdered sugar you add-the more stiff the frosting will be for decorating!
Use a large open star tip to swirl dreamy frosting on top of each cupcake. Sprinkle edible sixlet pearls on top.
For decor: Sixlet pearls!Take a moment to smile, enjoy this beautiful moment, let the sun warm your tummy as you eat your cupcake(s)…because life is short ♥.
